Tuesday, November 18, 2008

November 2008

Alchemy of Transformation

This is the season when we turn inward, get slower and quieter. And right here, right now, that doesn't seem to be the course of life. Instead, an upsurge of energy, movement, possibilities. And so we must follow... pardon me, I must follow. I hear the call... and I follow it.

A quickening... the river is getting faster. Hang on, let go? Hang on, let go? Maybe sometimes one, sometimes another. Both-and. Both hang on and let go. And you'll know which one is right in the moment... you don't have to "try" and figure it out. When you need to know, you will. Pardon me, when I need to know, I trust that I will know.

It's that newfound (or maybe "re-membered") faith of mine. The one that made me say to God when I was 7, 8, 9, 10?: "God, I'll come back to you when my mom and dad die. I promise." And then I walked through the rest of my days alone, and man, was it scary. I know, I know, God was there all the time, in fact, maybe he was even carrying me, but I didn't know that, and that's what matters. I didn't let God in, I turned away, and so I felt alone... and scared.

I am no longer alone, and I am no longer scared. Oh, well, sometimes I'm alone (and I really like those times) and sometimes I'm scared (it feels really bad in my body when I'm scared). I call "scared body" "fear body" now. As in "love body vs. fear body". But why do they have to be against one another, fighting one another? How about both-and? Is it okay to sometimes fear and sometimes love, if I take the opportunity when I'm in fear mode to really find out what I'm scared of, and to ask, "Am I still scared of that?" and then to really LISTEN to and then live by the answer.

And so... today I'm in love body. I'm going for a tandem ride with a new friend in Glenwood Canyon outside of Aspen, and I'm making a birthday cake for another new friend of mine. Cheesecake, chocolate peanut butter cake, carrot cake or hot buttered rum cake?

See what I mean about a quickening... 2 new friends in as many days. But I have the spacetime to share with them... to find out what we have to learn from the other.

I am still following the Yes...

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