May 2008

Lost & Found

For once, I am at a loss for words. No, more truthful is this: sometimes this (being at a loss for words) happens, especially when I am feeling not-so-buoyant. Right now is one of those times... One trick of writing that I picked up somewhere along the way is this: just write. Put pen to paper (or in this instance, hover digits over keys) and write whatever comes to mind. Eventually, something of value will come. Or maybe not... but at least you (I) showed up. One of my students asked me on our drive home from the retreat in Paonia (which was both great fun and informative in that deeply personal and soulful way), if I felt "responsible" for my students' experiences in class. It felt like an important question, and as an answer didn't come to mind immediately, I told her I was going to take a few moments. As I sat with it, what came to me was this: No, I don't feel responsible for my students' experience, but what is important to me is that my students feel moved to bring all of themselves to class. To me, bringing all of one's self means showing up; being present in body, mind, spirit, and emotions; dancing one's Truth, even if it's ugly, loud, or messy; and having the courage to feel one's heart, and then to express that through movement. On that day, that was my truth. The next several days came and went, and "responsibility" came up again, and then again, until I said, "Okay, okay, this responsibility thing is something to look at!" So I looked, and discovered a different answer, a deeper layer, perhaps. Yes, I do feel responsible, maybe not for my students' experience, but for my own. I expect to show up the way I desire my students to show up: present in my body, mind, spirit, and emotions and having the courage to feel and dance the truth of my heart. However, as I've come to understand, me showing up as a teacher is different than me showing up as a student. As a teacher, it is my responsibility to hold the space, so that my students feel safe to allow their truth to come to the surface for transformation or release. As a student of Nia, I found this safe space, and in it, I bloomed. I found a joy I had never felt before, I found a voice that had gone underground years ago, I found a power that was all mine, and I found my spirit that had finally, finally found its most exuberant expression. I guess I could say I was lost, and now I'm found. And you? You don't have to be lost to find ever-deeper and richer facets of self, that's just my story. You, being given the space to explore, what have you found/what will you find as you attune to your body wisdom, take risks, and transform? Debbie Rosas, co-creator of The Nia Technique, says, "Be a roving, blazing question mark in Life." What you seek, you will find...